l'etranger

hey stranger
what is it between you and me?

nothing at all
a void, a few murdered moments
the air befouled
exhaled out, sucked in

hey stranger
a few moments will you perhaps remember?

no not at all
there is nothing to treasure
in dusty glass bottles we store
spoilt pickle memories
fuming, rancid histories

hey stranger
so what is it you would want from me?

a little soul wasted
warm blood tasted
in the sinful wilderness
won't you dance free?

Long time

for more than a year i wasted myself
i stopped doing the things i liked
i didn't write anything forget about publishing
i did not read even a single book ... the lone book i started never got finished ..
i stopped playing.. lived like a hog.. slept with marred dreams.. disinterested.. dis illusoned
time was standstill, as if the hourglass was broken . and now as i write, words fail me, logic defies me, reason has lost me and i go back again in trance hallucinating about what could have and what can never be
but
i am glad to live all over again
PS: sorry keats the last line i stole from you

:O

So the CAT scores are out . the most highly awaited result of my life till now. i thought i had fared pretty well but alas! why do the results come out ?
why does it always have to be me ?
i sure have lost my creativity a big mental block had found its its place safely nestled between my brain and spinal chord, So what's my percentile well 92.6 bad with 78 in english i was born to be doomed. Another big question is now looming what next? which college will accept me? i have a job yes, but with the fall of satyam a tsunami of IT professionals is going to flood the market who will seek out the freshers. i find it hard to belive that a job can be promised these days
true there is no point crying over spilled beans and i shall not anymore, its 6 hours already since i have seen the result, my best friend got 99.47 she has now calls from IIM -a,-b, -c, -k i am so happy for her but only if i can show it . another lesson learnt
attitude and arrogance comes from perfomance, you don't perform bloody well shut up there is no place for loosers
till the second sunday of november

The Forgotten Birthday

the last day of the year is gone and five of them did not even wish me :( sad 4 of them said they have forgotten and yet awaiting what the fifth would say.
looking back at the year 2008 it was a very tough year from the first day till the last nothing was easy, it was a bitter battle at every step but it did teach me a very important lesson nothing is easy in my life from work to exams to relationships. Standing at the brink of a new year which is yet to prove its decisiveness in my life I will rush out to meet it head-on
greeting!!

nemesis

she doesn't realize so much has changed, if she thinks she doesn't give a fuck then my dear lady i don't give a damn

A Drug Addict's tale

yes i am a drug addict

but i wasn't born one, i became one as the circumstances around me forged a web which i could not escape how much i tried i just could not run away from it rather the more i tried the deeper i was stuck in it.

20 years ago
it started when i was in college the first year alone in the hostel away from the warmth of home away from the love and affection of my loved ones i was so lonely and desperate trying to make new friends in a new world, in a world where i had problems with people i could not find true friends, i was hurt desperately in search of love , i was a good student in school but those decisive few months in college saw me in a company where i started from cigrattes and with time i graduated from it to marijuana to brown sugar to cocaine. when i was doing it i escaped from the harsh realities of the cruel world i spun a web completely imaginary around me where i was happy. i saw everywhere around me the people who were high on it, i met people who did it which further led me believe that everyone does it, it's no big deal. I was trying to inveigle myself to believe its right a way of life. I knew it was killing me from inside, i was becoming a hollow man i was killing myself but give in to age just out of my teens it felt so right. some of the friends i made tried to make me realize its wrong, but since when did i start listening to them i just turned a blind eye and a damaged ear to them, let them blabber its not their life and no one decides for me but me I felt invincible the world was at my doorsteps.

present day
i could have achieved what not but not now after being a habitual user for 20 years i am drained. my once handsome face is now just a shadow of what it used to be, my pupils have become so diluted that i need dark glasses even in slight light, i have asthma and lung cancer. the last visit to my doctor and he said bluntly "you don't have much years man" and the world crumbled at my face. At 37 i am a dead man. i can't stop hating myself anymore for destroying my own life for which no one else is responsible but me. my family disowned me , my friends distanced themselves from me and even the love of my life left me but here i am with a syringe in my hand puncturing a defeated nerve i have got to try meta amphetamine , i have heard the hallucinations last for hours
only if i could beat death even at its doorsteps
will my grave accept me now..... i wonder who will hold a memorial for me ..... slowly the familiar dreams are engulfing me as i move away from the reality to the abject world my world .......

quote misquote

in conversation with hugh askton and dagny taggart , he said " fire a dangerous force tamed at man's finger tips" while referring to that $ brand cigarette.
sorry Mr. akston it is that 6 inches is what which has tamed man it slowly consumes him from within while ebbing the illusion of ecstasy the pleasure which he derives from it , is actually his death warrant believe it or not , accept it or not its the truth.
yet...