A Drug Addict's tale

yes i am a drug addict

but i wasn't born one, i became one as the circumstances around me forged a web which i could not escape how much i tried i just could not run away from it rather the more i tried the deeper i was stuck in it.

20 years ago
it started when i was in college the first year alone in the hostel away from the warmth of home away from the love and affection of my loved ones i was so lonely and desperate trying to make new friends in a new world, in a world where i had problems with people i could not find true friends, i was hurt desperately in search of love , i was a good student in school but those decisive few months in college saw me in a company where i started from cigrattes and with time i graduated from it to marijuana to brown sugar to cocaine. when i was doing it i escaped from the harsh realities of the cruel world i spun a web completely imaginary around me where i was happy. i saw everywhere around me the people who were high on it, i met people who did it which further led me believe that everyone does it, it's no big deal. I was trying to inveigle myself to believe its right a way of life. I knew it was killing me from inside, i was becoming a hollow man i was killing myself but give in to age just out of my teens it felt so right. some of the friends i made tried to make me realize its wrong, but since when did i start listening to them i just turned a blind eye and a damaged ear to them, let them blabber its not their life and no one decides for me but me I felt invincible the world was at my doorsteps.

present day
i could have achieved what not but not now after being a habitual user for 20 years i am drained. my once handsome face is now just a shadow of what it used to be, my pupils have become so diluted that i need dark glasses even in slight light, i have asthma and lung cancer. the last visit to my doctor and he said bluntly "you don't have much years man" and the world crumbled at my face. At 37 i am a dead man. i can't stop hating myself anymore for destroying my own life for which no one else is responsible but me. my family disowned me , my friends distanced themselves from me and even the love of my life left me but here i am with a syringe in my hand puncturing a defeated nerve i have got to try meta amphetamine , i have heard the hallucinations last for hours
only if i could beat death even at its doorsteps
will my grave accept me now..... i wonder who will hold a memorial for me ..... slowly the familiar dreams are engulfing me as i move away from the reality to the abject world my world .......