the last day of the year is gone and five of them did not even wish me :( sad 4 of them said they have forgotten and yet awaiting what the fifth would say.
looking back at the year 2008 it was a very tough year from the first day till the last nothing was easy, it was a bitter battle at every step but it did teach me a very important lesson nothing is easy in my life from work to exams to relationships. Standing at the brink of a new year which is yet to prove its decisiveness in my life I will rush out to meet it head-on
greeting!!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
nemesis
she doesn't realize so much has changed, if she thinks she doesn't give a fuck then my dear lady i don't give a damn
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
A Drug Addict's tale
yes i am a drug addict
but i wasn't born one, i became one as the circumstances around me forged a web which i could not escape how much i tried i just could not run away from it rather the more i tried the deeper i was stuck in it.
20 years ago
it started when i was in college the first year alone in the hostel away from the warmth of home away from the love and affection of my loved ones i was so lonely and desperate trying to make new friends in a new world, in a world where i had problems with people i could not find true friends, i was hurt desperately in search of love , i was a good student in school but those decisive few months in college saw me in a company where i started from cigrattes and with time i graduated from it to marijuana to brown sugar to cocaine. when i was doing it i escaped from the harsh realities of the cruel world i spun a web completely imaginary around me where i was happy. i saw everywhere around me the people who were high on it, i met people who did it which further led me believe that everyone does it, it's no big deal. I was trying to inveigle myself to believe its right a way of life. I knew it was killing me from inside, i was becoming a hollow man i was killing myself but give in to age just out of my teens it felt so right. some of the friends i made tried to make me realize its wrong, but since when did i start listening to them i just turned a blind eye and a damaged ear to them, let them blabber its not their life and no one decides for me but me I felt invincible the world was at my doorsteps.
present day
i could have achieved what not but not now after being a habitual user for 20 years i am drained. my once handsome face is now just a shadow of what it used to be, my pupils have become so diluted that i need dark glasses even in slight light, i have asthma and lung cancer. the last visit to my doctor and he said bluntly "you don't have much years man" and the world crumbled at my face. At 37 i am a dead man. i can't stop hating myself anymore for destroying my own life for which no one else is responsible but me. my family disowned me , my friends distanced themselves from me and even the love of my life left me but here i am with a syringe in my hand puncturing a defeated nerve i have got to try meta amphetamine , i have heard the hallucinations last for hours
only if i could beat death even at its doorsteps
will my grave accept me now..... i wonder who will hold a memorial for me ..... slowly the familiar dreams are engulfing me as i move away from the reality to the abject world my world .......
but i wasn't born one, i became one as the circumstances around me forged a web which i could not escape how much i tried i just could not run away from it rather the more i tried the deeper i was stuck in it.
20 years ago
it started when i was in college the first year alone in the hostel away from the warmth of home away from the love and affection of my loved ones i was so lonely and desperate trying to make new friends in a new world, in a world where i had problems with people i could not find true friends, i was hurt desperately in search of love , i was a good student in school but those decisive few months in college saw me in a company where i started from cigrattes and with time i graduated from it to marijuana to brown sugar to cocaine. when i was doing it i escaped from the harsh realities of the cruel world i spun a web completely imaginary around me where i was happy. i saw everywhere around me the people who were high on it, i met people who did it which further led me believe that everyone does it, it's no big deal. I was trying to inveigle myself to believe its right a way of life. I knew it was killing me from inside, i was becoming a hollow man i was killing myself but give in to age just out of my teens it felt so right. some of the friends i made tried to make me realize its wrong, but since when did i start listening to them i just turned a blind eye and a damaged ear to them, let them blabber its not their life and no one decides for me but me I felt invincible the world was at my doorsteps.
present day
i could have achieved what not but not now after being a habitual user for 20 years i am drained. my once handsome face is now just a shadow of what it used to be, my pupils have become so diluted that i need dark glasses even in slight light, i have asthma and lung cancer. the last visit to my doctor and he said bluntly "you don't have much years man" and the world crumbled at my face. At 37 i am a dead man. i can't stop hating myself anymore for destroying my own life for which no one else is responsible but me. my family disowned me , my friends distanced themselves from me and even the love of my life left me but here i am with a syringe in my hand puncturing a defeated nerve i have got to try meta amphetamine , i have heard the hallucinations last for hours
only if i could beat death even at its doorsteps
will my grave accept me now..... i wonder who will hold a memorial for me ..... slowly the familiar dreams are engulfing me as i move away from the reality to the abject world my world .......
Friday, May 2, 2008
quote misquote
in conversation with hugh askton and dagny taggart , he said " fire a dangerous force tamed at man's finger tips" while referring to that $ brand cigarette.
sorry Mr. akston it is that 6 inches is what which has tamed man it slowly consumes him from within while ebbing the illusion of ecstasy the pleasure which he derives from it , is actually his death warrant believe it or not , accept it or not its the truth.
yet...
sorry Mr. akston it is that 6 inches is what which has tamed man it slowly consumes him from within while ebbing the illusion of ecstasy the pleasure which he derives from it , is actually his death warrant believe it or not , accept it or not its the truth.
yet...
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
...
the room was hazy with smoke and he occupied the solitary chair. the lights were out he was contemplating whether he liked darkness or let the light simmer the room. the ash tray was lying on the table filled with contempt as ash grazed its boundaries. He always wanted to be sure of himself,
always wanted to know what was happening in his life,
and how dare things got out of control but they did and this is what brought him to the solace of 2 pack, sit and think something he had long forgotten to do in this impeccable world. his thoughts wandered to the last few days with the memories dancing before his eyes only if he had understood their significance in time .... alas! life is never fair it always screws you when you least expect it.
he had to make THE decision of his life her or career for neither can survive other. one has to be sacrificed at the alter of life.
the memories flashed before him making it even more difficult for him to choose his brain was faltering him, never in his life he was an emotional fool (as he called them) but stakes have reversed now he has become one of them. his work gave him so much joy when he worked, he worked the world lay at his doorsteps people ceased to matter nothing could come between him and his brains put on paper he was so content until she happened that's life he kept telling himself but within he knew what havoc it was creating. ignorance is bliss someone said .
he had never gone against his ego he had never compromised on himself he had never uttered a word of regret he had never rendered an apology for there was no desire there was no need of company, perhaps he was a loner perhaps but he withstood it all.
his eyes were expressionless his face was a hollow mass of 1000 year old banyan tree his hands were shaking his mouth fumed with smoke
it was 4:00 AM he had two hours to decide
until now he never considered himself to be weak, he lit the umpteenth cigarette and looked down through the window of this 49th storeyed flat and laughed frivolously......
always wanted to know what was happening in his life,
and how dare things got out of control but they did and this is what brought him to the solace of 2 pack, sit and think something he had long forgotten to do in this impeccable world. his thoughts wandered to the last few days with the memories dancing before his eyes only if he had understood their significance in time .... alas! life is never fair it always screws you when you least expect it.
he had to make THE decision of his life her or career for neither can survive other. one has to be sacrificed at the alter of life.
the memories flashed before him making it even more difficult for him to choose his brain was faltering him, never in his life he was an emotional fool (as he called them) but stakes have reversed now he has become one of them. his work gave him so much joy when he worked, he worked the world lay at his doorsteps people ceased to matter nothing could come between him and his brains put on paper he was so content until she happened that's life he kept telling himself but within he knew what havoc it was creating. ignorance is bliss someone said .
he had never gone against his ego he had never compromised on himself he had never uttered a word of regret he had never rendered an apology for there was no desire there was no need of company, perhaps he was a loner perhaps but he withstood it all.
his eyes were expressionless his face was a hollow mass of 1000 year old banyan tree his hands were shaking his mouth fumed with smoke
it was 4:00 AM he had two hours to decide
until now he never considered himself to be weak, he lit the umpteenth cigarette and looked down through the window of this 49th storeyed flat and laughed frivolously......
gibberish
for once i shed my ego
for the lost friend
with time, my battle begins
for i have none at my hands
to win her again, i must
the 10 year itch hurts
gate of destiny never shuts
I remembered all along,
did she?
it is a small world
we met again
time had struck a vital blow
people change with the flow
i seek her company, not for love
but for reasons which are in the trove
all these years i had waited
lost you once never again
for the lost friend
with time, my battle begins
for i have none at my hands
to win her again, i must
the 10 year itch hurts
gate of destiny never shuts
I remembered all along,
did she?
it is a small world
we met again
time had struck a vital blow
people change with the flow
i seek her company, not for love
but for reasons which are in the trove
all these years i had waited
lost you once never again
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)