PLEADING INSANITY !

"gimme a chance at least please i beg you just this one time " i pleaded,"no anurag its like this you can't change you are and will be like this forever".
well what can i saay firstly i don't change for anyone not even for myself i am as i am and i am proud of that and isn't it derogatory to ask someone to change i didn't ask you to, then why do you ask me to.
i agree i am wrong sometimes but then that doesn't mean i am wrong all the time or does it does one action has to govern everything does that one isolated incident makes you feel so low about my character, that one evening i know i did very crazy rather stupid thing but then i can't feign remorse over something which i don't feel i can't i just can't . i thought she was more than a friend to me but her silent withdrawal left me perplexed.
i was told once and i have now understood however pure your integrity is no one in the world would care but the world will see your reputation and decisions will be passed irrespective of the fact that "the" person passing his judgement is capable or not
blasphemy no it isn't its the way the society functions i have understood it finally.
yesterday i was suggesting my friend that choose friends carefully and loadsa sermons on that stuff i thought i understood the blue blood of this society better than anyone else but i have also had my share of failures thank god i didn't fall in the group of artificial friendships in the first semester i almost had.

she once had asked me if i would help someone in distress i vividly remember my answer because it was such a question that thwarted me i had never thought on those line but the answer was pretty straight if that "individual" asks me then yes otherwise no although i am not an altruist. she was nonplussed as if i had done a crime. well she never understood me in the first place then how cani make her understand i can't i can't reason for people i can't fight their battles i am too much egoistic for that.
why do i have to fall in love with that person who understands me the least why whay ?? afterall the person who is so different from me
maybe its the being different thing which entices me i think she makes me complete in an odd sorta way she would complete me remove my flaws dare say i have many i don't indulge in self love but i am confident of myself usually stupidest reasons one can find i can't help them i had lost ages ago but my ego refused to face it and in the aftermath the destruction had begun
every time i saw her with someone else the dead snake would rise its not jealousy for heavens sake its apathy something which runs more deeper the desire to hurt myself grows i can't help it a victim or a sadist rather frustrated over something i can't have or the fact that loosing pisses me off more than anything could be anything
i can't live i this immature society any more I've lost it i have lost the will to live
yes i own up i say it to everyone who cares to listen i admit i have loved her since that first time she stood besides me the first time i saw those dreamy eyes
with a question in my eyes what if??





on these counts i plead insanity .......will it be mine
ain't i a good liar
if you have survived
ps: crap at 3:00am got nothing better to do maybe shashi tharoor will help me out